Are you married? No? All the more reason for you to listen very attentively! It is a good thing that these matters are being discussed. In-shá-Alláh, you will make a good home.
Firstly, look carefully before you get married. Find out about the family and the girls background. Find out about her manners and character. Do not look just at the eyes, whether she has big, beautiful eyes or not! How will you know whether her heart is big or small? I am pointing this out because youngsters look merely at the face: Wha are her eyes like? What is her complexion like? But completely unconcerne about what her inside is like! Habits will remain forever, but youthful colou and complexion will not remain forever. Just see what happens after sh has borne a few children, or after an illness lasting some months – tha youthful face quickly fades away. As for habits? They remain forever.I am pointing out these matters to the youngsters because this is an age full of fitnah. In Europe, England, Africa and other countries, the boy and girl insist on seeing each other first. This is not so here. The special shán of this province, [U.P. India], is that the parents arrange the marriage. But this is changing even here: People from outside are coming to stay here. Also, girls are now being given an “education”. The result is that they have become more tèrhí! By receiving western “education” girls have become more bent! Now they are even more tèrhí!Take karelá. It is a very bitter vegetable. You now cross it with ním. another bitter plant. The result will be that now you will have karelá that are even more bitter! So too, the female. She is “bitter” by nature and now that she is “educated,”this “crossing” has made her more “bitter”! To cope with her now is even more difficult! “I insist on going on a holiday,” she is adamant. “You and are incompatible, molvísáhib. Why are you keeping me here in a prison?” Mind you, she nowcalls purdah a prison!Come to think of it, is it not better to confine some people to a prison or to an asylum, rather than letting them out? Women are best kept in the house, rather than let out, or else they will get wings and fly away! Once they set their feet outside, you will not get them back!The European style is for the boy and girl to see one another before getting married. “I want to see first!” is what is insisted on. “Idiot! What are you going to see? Oh, very well, very well, if you insist.” Arrangements are made to go and have a cup of tea. The girl is handed the tray to serve the guests so that the boy has an opportunity to see her. For a few fleeting seconds his eyes fall on her before she disappears again. What has he seen in those few seconds? He has had no time to note the colour of her eyes or the shape of her nose or her complexion. Yes, he has some vague perception that she appears to be pretty. What an achievement!
So, on the third day of the marriage, he has given her taláq! If he had made nikáh to her, satisfied at seeing her, why the taláq? The reason is that he had merely seen her countenance and not her habits.
After marriage, he is now face to face with her habits.
Appearance (súrat) is a passing thing: behaviour and character (sírat) are for always.These comments are made incidentally. We were discussing the wife. If she makes tèrhi statements, if she speaks insolently, if she says things contrary to one’s temperament, there is no cause for surprise. And, if there is no cause for amazement, then there is no cause for grief. And, if there is no cause for grief, then there is no cause for ghussah! Then, in-shá-Alláh, there will be life-long compatibility, because you will remind yourself all the time: “Alláh Ta’álá has created her such for our isláh, from the rib of the left side, terhiTherefore, the real ahlulláh show a tremendous degree of hilm and burdabárí towards such wives. The question of taláq does not arise.
For Friends- Selected Discourses Of Hadhrat Moulana Maseehullah Khan Sahib Rahmatullahi Alaihi