Extracted From ‘For Friends’- A Discourse From Hadhrat Moulana Maseehullah Khan Saheb رحمه الله
Among those related and close to one, that person who is closest and has the highest degree of intimacy is one’s wife. On the basis of what has been said, how can one be desirous of praise from her and how can one expect to escape censure from her? So, in accordance with the rule that one should neither anticipate any praise from those close to one nor expect to escape from their censure, this rule will be applicable to the highest degree when it comes to the wife.
A wife is most unpredictable. A parent or a child, both of whom are closely related, will draw a line in their attitude and behaviour. But a wife draws no lines. She has no regard for any etiquette. Therefore, no matter what her attitude, no matter what words she utters, no matter what unbecoming language she uses, do not take offence. On the other hand, if she praises you to the skies, it is nothing to get excited over.
Are you married? No? Never mind. Just listen carefully first before you do get married.[Hadhratji directed this question at a young man sitting in the majlis.] Praise and censure should be equal in your eyes to an even greater extent where the wife is concerned. Neither her praise nor her censure carries any weight. Do not feel you are in a unique situation if you are hen-pecked. If one looks at the auliyá-Alláh, most of them were in such situations. There were exceptions, but most had wives who called their wali-husbands harsh and offensive names and openly expressed their displeasure with their wali-husbands.
However, at no stage did any wali feel upset at the wife’s displeasure.You must be aware of the Hadith Sharif that states that a woman has an intelligence (‘aql) which is defective
من ناقضات في العقل والدين
They are deficient in intelligence and in Din.
It follows that a defective intelligence will spout out anything without any insight into its correctness. You students may have studied and learnt this Hadith Sharif. You are convinced of its truth- you have ‘ilme-yaqin’. But that is as far as you have progressed.
Why do I say that? Because, sooner or later, you are going to show tremendous displeasure at some incident. This is because the knowledge that you have acquired is at an academic level only and not at the level of wilayet. Mere academic knowledge is of temporary value. Only that knowledge assimilated at the level of wilayet will be of permanent value..The wali has a deeper understanding. He knows what difficulties some Ambiyá had experienced at the hands of their wives. He knows how much vexation our Nabi, had undergone by the doings of some of his wives. Therefore, the wall realises his own responsibility of faithfully maintaining his relationship with his wife what we have termed “nibháhná.” There are numerous incidents from the lives of the auliya Alláh one can quote.