Hadhrat Ahmad Khadhrawiya Rahmatullahi Alaihi
Upon occasion Hadhrat Ahmad Khadhraiyah said,
” I had subjected my nafs to great deprivation and struggled against it for ages. Once I developed an intense desire to participate in Jihaad. The Nafs whispered to me the Ahaadith which mention the virtues of Jihaad. I pondered: ‘ The nafs does not derive any pleasure from obedience and ibaadat, hence it is goading me to participate in Jihaad. This is undoubtedly a ploy of the nafs. I thought that because I perpetually fast and subject the nafs to hunger, hence it wants me to go for Jihaad where I will not be fasting.
I resolved to fast even on the journey. However my nafs accepted this and the urge remained strong. It occured to me that since I remain awake at night in Salaah, the nafs wants me to go on the journey so that I could would fall asleep at night. I said to my nafs that even on the journey, I shall remain awake at night and engage in Salaat. This too was acceptable to the nafs and the desire to of remained. I reflected and said that perhaps the nafs is overwhelmed with solitude and seclusion, hence wants to associate with people. I resolve to abstain from company wherever I go. I shall not mingle and converse with people. The nafs was satisfied with even this attitude. The urge to go on the journey persisted.
I failed to detect the deception of the nafs. I cried to Allah Ta’laa to make me aware of the ploy of my nafs. It was then revealed to me that I was killing my nafs a hundred times a day by opposing its every desire, and this daily jihad against the nafs is hidden from the people. There is no fame in it. Now the nafs is seeking release from its constant Jihaad against it. It wants to be killed once and for all, and it’s death will be in the public. The people will acclaim Ahmad Khadrawi and say that he was a great Mujahid. This was the ploy of my nafs.
Subhaanallah! Allah is glorious! He created such a nafs which remains a munafiq and refuses to accept Islam in this world and in the next world.
I said to my nafs : “I was unaware that you were wearing a cross.” From that day, I involved in a greater struggle against the nafs.”